InEssence

This is the testimony of Raymond Lull - the first 'missionary' to the Islamic peoples. He was a knight who lived in the 13th century. This was penned by Zwemer...

One evening the seneschal was sitting on a couch, with his cithern on his knees, composing a song in praise of a noble married lady who had fascinated him but who was insensible to his passion. Suddenly, in the midst of the erotic song, he saw on his right hand the Savior hanging on His cross, the blood trickling from His hands and feet and brow, look reproachfully at him. Raymund, conscience - struck, started up; he could sing no more; he laid aside his cithern and, deeply moved, retired into bed.

Eight days after, he again attempted to finish the song and again took up the plea of an unrequited lover. But now again, as before, the image of Divine Love incarnate appeared - the agonized form of the Man of Sorrows.

The dying eyes of the Savior were fixed on him mournfully, pleadingly:

"See from His head. His hands, His feet,

Sorrow and love flow mingling down:

Did ere such love and sorrow meet,

Or thorns compose so rich a crown?"

Lull cast his lute aside, and threw himself on his bed, a prey to remorse. He had seen the highest and deepest unrequited love. But the thought that, "Love so amazing, so divine, Demands my soul, my life, my all," had not yet reached him.

The effect of the vision was so transitory that he was not ready to yield until it again repeated itself. Then Lull could not resist the thought that this was a special message for himself to conquer his lower passions and to devote himself entirely to Christ's service.

He felt engraved on his heart, as it were, the great spectacle of divine Self-sacrifice. Henceforth he had only one passion, to love and serve Christ. But there arose the doubt, How can I, defiled with impurity, rise and enter on a holier life?

Night after night, we are told, he lay awake, a prey to despondency and doubt. He wept like Mary Magdalen, remembering how much and how deeply he had sinned.

At length the thought occurred: Christ is meek and full of compassion; He invites all to come to Him; He will not cast me out. With that thought came consolation. Because he was forgiven so much he loved the more, and concluded that he would forsake the world and give up all for his Savior.